Managing Anxiety as a Parent

How to Deal with Anxiety as a Parent
Parenting, in its essence, is an arduous journey. When combined with life’s numerous responsibilities, it can become an overwhelming force. In addition to being a parent, many of us juggle the roles of a dedicated employee, friend, sibling, entrepreneur, volunteer, and more. This endless balancing act can often push us to the brink of overload. Hence, mastering the art of maintaining composure and managing anxiety before reacting in a destructive manner becomes paramount. This becomes even more critical when navigating the challenges of parenthood.

We all encounter those challenging moments. You may find yourself tangled in a stressful work situation, only to be met with an unexpected outburst from your child. In such moments, we can either take a step back, breathe deeply, and attempt to regain control of our anxiety, or we can spiral and “lose it.”

No parent relishes the sensation of losing control or acting impulsively. As parents, we recognize that our responses to our children can either escalate or alleviate the stress of a situation. This underscores the importance of cultivating stress management strategies that help de-escalate tense moments.

In my own family, I am constantly reevaluating how we address emotions and manage stress. Though it may sound cliché, I strive to set an example. I aim to be a stable presence, especially when my children are facing their own emotional struggles or showing signs of anxiety. The methods we practice at home are either shared experiences (with my children) or moments of solitude (where I step away to focus on my self-care). Our stress management techniques are divided into two categories: immediate responses and long-term healing strategies.
Immediate Solutions

Maintaining Perspective
One immediate strategy that has been invaluable to me is remembering that children are just that—children. Life is challenging for them too. Toddlers and young kids are still learning how to process their emotions and make sense of their experiences. Recognizing their developmental stage gives me a moment of perspective, enabling me to approach them with grace. After all, none of us are perfect, and not every moment can be flawlessly controlled. Moreover, it’s essential to acknowledge that we cannot fully control our children’s behavior or emotions. This realization reinforces the need for stress-reduction techniques. Keeping perspective allows me to manage my own stress and detach from a situation as it begins to escalate.

Understanding Their Stressors
My children are only 18 months apart and are at the cusp of their pre-teen years. My son is generally calm and composed, but my daughter often introduces just the right amount of chaos to unsettle him. Knowing your children’s personalities and triggers is crucial when managing stressful situations. Over time, I’ve learned to spot the signs of anxiety in each of them. I’ve figured out who needs to be spoken to first and how to steer negative behaviors in a more positive direction. Understanding their triggers means I can sometimes intervene before tensions rise. A significant stressor for parents is when children argue, and knowing how to identify early signs can help alleviate that stress.

When my children are bickering, I try to speak with them individually about the issue at hand. I first ask them to calm down so we can talk. I provide each child a chance to share their perspective, ensuring that we all remain calm. We take deep breaths, lower our voices, and focus on staying centered. This isn’t always easy, but it helps in finding solutions. On occasion, I may need to raise my voice to address immediate behavior, but I remind myself to stay neutral and composed. If I maintain my calmness, it often helps my children do the same. This strategy not only helps them manage their stress, but also allows me to model healthy responses.

Apologizing
As a single parent, escaping a stressful moment is often not an option. Therefore, if I do become upset, I make it a point to reflect and address the situation as soon as possible. My goal is to help us all understand why we were upset and how we can approach similar situations differently in the future. Sometimes that means I am the one to apologize. This, too, becomes an opportunity to model positive behavior for my children. Each conflict is a learning opportunity. We are constantly evolving, learning that we don’t need to react negatively to others’ actions and that we can manage our emotions in a more productive way. Practicing these skills has had far-reaching benefits for our family.

Long-Term Healing

Developing Coping Mechanisms
In addition to immediate strategies, effective coping with anxiety requires long-term healing techniques. These strategies take time to learn and integrate into daily life, much like any new habit. They often involve breaking old patterns and developing new, healthier ones.

Learning When to Step Away
One of the most effective tools I’ve learned is the art of walking away when emotions run high. Taking a break, both mentally and physically, is one of the most natural and effective ways to combat anxiety. It involves recognizing when stress is beginning to peak and knowing when it’s time to disengage. By paying attention to physical signs of stress—such as a racing heart, warmth, or restlessness—you can learn when to step away before the situation escalates.

Walking as a Stress Relief Tool
If walking isn’t already part of your routine, it’s something worth considering. Walking is a simple yet powerful way for parents to alleviate stress and manage anxiety. Incorporating this activity into your daily life can serve as an excellent method of self-care.

Patience is Key
Learning how to manage emotions during stressful moments requires patience. It’s crucial to recognize that not every strategy will work perfectly from the start. The more attuned you become to your own stress levels, the easier it will be to catch yourself before a situation spirals. Over time, you’ll discover methods that help you better manage stress, though it’s unlikely to be flawless. With continued effort, you will learn to navigate stress in healthier ways. I’ve been a mother for over a decade, and I am still learning how to identify the signs of stress in myself to better care for my well-being and be a more effective parent. The good news is that with time, I improve at it.

Prioritizing Self-Care
Investing in yourself is essential for becoming a better parent. For me, creative outlets such as writing and travel have proven to be invaluable forms of self-care. Sometimes, it’s as simple as spending a few quiet moments writing. Other times, I plan short getaways with friends to recharge. As a single mother, when my children visit their father, it provides me the opportunity to focus on myself and invest in the self-care I need to be a better parent. However, self-care is not exclusive to single parents. Every parent can practice it with some planning and support.

Consider what brings you joy and what recharges your spirit. Whether it’s a grand gesture or something as simple as a hot shower, planning ahead ensures that you’re meeting your own needs while caring for your children. Big commitments, like a trip with friends, may require more extensive planning. Smaller activities, such as an exercise class, may need only a couple of days’ notice.
Seeking Professional Support
In addition to self-care practices, I’ve found that professional help is invaluable. I speak regularly with a therapist to help me manage the stresses of parenting and personal life. My children have also benefited from therapy to better cope with their emotions. Therapy is an essential part of self-care, and my children understand that it’s not something negative but rather a tool for emotional well-being.

Tailoring Self-Care to Your Family
Each family’s approach to self-care will differ, influenced by unique backgrounds, traditions, and cultures. As a family with a Hispanic heritage, I incorporate certain practices to clear negative energy from our home. Some days, I cleanse the space by tidying up, washing the sheets, and listening to uplifting music. I engage in rituals such as burning sage and palo santo, lighting candles, and meditating to release stress.

Embracing Both Immediate and Long-Term Stress Management
There are always immediate solutions to address stress, as well as long-term practices to reduce anxiety. With patience, self-reflection, and a commitment to personal growth, you’ll find ways to manage stress more effectively. Life happens, and not everything is within our control. By embracing self-care, you’ll ensure that your emotional well-being isn’t depleted, allowing you to be the best parent you can be.